Thursday, March 31

cows with guns

cows with guns
Originally uploaded by shelliphied.

For those of you who like revolutions and rhymes...

Cows With Guns -

women over 30

Definitely not all of these apply to me, but I suppose I have some things to aspire to.

Written by Andy Rooney-

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.

For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"... here's an update for you.

Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

Thursday, March 17

full quart press

I am busy,
Oh, so busy,
I am busy and witty and bright!
-- Ok, so maybe West Side Story wasn't on the west side of Queens.

My gosh, have I been inundated with decisions lately!

B-ball. Finally entered my picks at the last minute today. Oh yeah, watch out. So far I'm 3 for 4. Could be that I'm gonna be 7 for 8 here shortly. UTEP has tied it up! If you don't have TV at work, this is the next best.

Verizon or Cingular? Out of 17 people surveyed, 12 responded.
  • 16% of those responding don't have either Verizon or Cingular. Comments included, "Doesn't Verizon have the best coverage? Don't go on this. I don't know what I'm talking about. May have dreamed it."
  • 42% of those responding said they have/had Verizon and like/liked it. Comments included, "it was nice."
  • 42% of those responding said they have Cingular and like it. Comments included, "their customer service [doesn't] suck donkey balls" and "I have the power."
What a girl wants. I've been asked to complete a "wish list" for my birthday (Disclaimer: this is not a ploy to get you to buy me a counter-top appliance). I really want a KitchenAid mixer. The thing comes in like 3,000 colors though! Which one should I pick? Cinnamon, Green Peppercorn, Juniper Berry, Licorice*, Meringue, Pink Satin, Sorbet, All White, Almond Cream, Black*, Caviar,* Citron, Cobalt Blue, Ice, Imperial Grey*, Lavender, Metallic Chrome*, Meyer Lemon, Pink*, Pistachio, Red, Tangerine, White, Yellow.

Fascinating, huh? There are more colors to choose from, but I'm keeping the price range in check. I like the ones with the *. Whatda you think?

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Tuesday, March 15

beware the ides of march!

toga party
Originally uploaded by shelliphied.

Watch out for mutinous toga-wearing traitors today.

The Soothsayer

Trivial Knowledge:
The Ides of March is the first day of the Roman New Year. It also marks the first day of spring in the Roman calendar.

on the road: a listless blog

working in queens
Originally uploaded by shelliphied.

Do not fear loyal readers! I have not abandoned the eight of you! I'm on the road working with a slow dial-up connection. Finding worthwhile material to share has been a bit frustrating.

Also, the "busy at work" title of this blog means just that. When I'm busy, that's when I blog. While in Long Island City, I haven't excatly been diligently working. We've experienced some delays on this project. I won't mention the specific company (in order to protect my employment), but let's just say efficiency isn't a core value here. So Maureen, you can almost consider this blog as a metaphor for a truly honest self-appraisal... I think one worthy of a large pay increase :)

Sunday, March 6

s.o.s. your vote is needed!

Please help save Arrested Development. The best show you aren't watching.

Vote here to help save our Sundays at 8:30 PM. Oh, and watch it. You will not regret it. Plus, John might not be able to go on with his life if you don't.

Thursday, March 3

you know!?!!

3:30 PM
SAC/CRC Fields

The Weather Report:
Partly Cloudy (perfect really)
High: 59 (not too warm, not too cold)
Precip: 20% (pshaw)
Wind: WNW 9 mph (just enough to make it interesting)
Max Humidity: 56% (we live in Atlanta that's nothing)
UV Index: 6 High (will still need sunscreen)

Be there.
You know you love it.
I know you love it.
You know I know you love it.
I know you know I need to know if you love it enough to be there.
Let me know.

denying my true self

Ever since I was a child, I've been trying to mask my heritage. When I was 8 years old, after much, much badgering, I managed to get my mom to change her hick ways and say "wash" instead of "warsh". I was so proud.

Today I took the Yankee or Dixie? test. My results:
91% (Dixie). Is General Lee your father?


Tuesday, March 1

free ice cream wednesday

today only! start practicing your yodelling


When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in 0 gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

The top 35 Oxymorons of all time
35. State worker
34. Legally drunk
33. Exact estimate
32. Act naturally
31. Found missing
30. Resident alien
29. Genuine imitation
28. Airline food
27. Good grief
26. Government organization
25. Sanitary landfill
24. Alone together
23. Small crowd
22. Business ethics
21. Soft rock
20. Amtrak schedule
19. Military intelligence
18. Sweet sorrow
17. Compassionate conservative
16. "Now, then ..."
15. Passive aggression
14. Clearly misunderstood
13. Peace force
12. Extinct life
11. Plastic glasses
10. Terribly pleased
09. Computer security
08. Political science
07. Tight slacks
06. Definite maybe
05. Pretty ugly
04. Rap music
03. Working vacation
02. Religious tolerance

and the No. 1 oxymoron...

01. Microsoft Works

thanks, Darci